Suddenly all the things I've loved to do for years are just too annoying to continue.
I'm tired of quilting, I'm tired of all my writing projects, I'm tired of volunteering. I'm tired of my hair, my clothes, my shoes, my house. I'm tired of this place I have spent my whole life and will likely spend the rest of it until they put my boring, adventure-less body into the ground.
I want to never go to another meeting. I want no one to count on me for anything. I want to throw caution to the wind and buy a whole new wardrobe. I want to get in my car and drive without worry about where I'm going and if I'll have enough money when I get there.
I want to buy beautiful expensive shoes and not have them hurt my feet. Perhaps they would even look like the ones I show here. These are the shoes of a baby who will never be boring or invisible. She will dance through life and travel the world. She will never be stuck in the same place, following some pre-determined life path. I have never owned a pair of shoes that could do that for me.
I know that half the secret of being happy and content with life is to make the conscious decision to be that way. But what happens if the time times when, no matter how optimistic a person tries to be, it just ain't cutting it?
I had such high hopes for accomplishing so much with this life I have - I felt sure I was on that path - but right now I feel in serious danger of going out with a whimper and barely a sign that I was here.
And if I feel that way now, in November, what's it going to be like in February in the dead of winter when it really feels like life will never be interesting again?
I think I'm in attitude trouble.
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