Plan B

I heard from the graduate school I applied to, and I was not accepted. I was kind of disappointed - but surprisingly - not that much. At this point in my life, I've had enough rejection that I've learned to roll with it.

Also, I'm a big believer that things happen, or don't happen, for a reason. I was looking at putting my writing life on hold for two years while I satisfied the requirements for the degree, and I believe this is a sign that's not what I should do.

As a dear friend wrote to me when I told her about the rejection - "It must not have been the right path, find a different trail and follow it!"

So, that's my Plan B. I've cleared my schedule of work and obligations to go back to school - now I'm going to use that time to "school" myself and just pounce on it! As spring has finally arrived and I begin to see flowers blooming, I'm getting the itch to buckle down and seriously write.

Last year around this time I wrote about buying my mother flowers at road-side stands to cheer her up in what would be the last month of her life. This year I'll buy them for myself and fill vases to sit on my desk while I work on this next phase of my life.

And, of course, I'll think of my mother, but maybe not in such a sad way. Maybe just in love and gratitude for all she gave me during our long time together. As we near the anniversary of her death, I know that's what she would want for me.

Anticipation

I am waiting to hear if I have been accepted into the MFA creative writing program of my choice and I think I am down to the last few days. It's nerve racking.

I found a Web site that lists when the notices for every program in the country are sent out and the one I applied to sent notices by March 8 last year. So, it could be any day now.

This feels like it has been a long journey for me. I decided to pursue this graduate degree after my mother died last spring as a way of acknowledging a long-time dream and to honor her lifetime committment to art. I spent the summer and fall working on my writing sample, taking the GRE test, and assembling all the various pieces and parts required - then submitted it in December.

Now, here I sit, 10 months since I first came up with the notion and within a few days of finding out if I was successful. I have thought about a "Plan B" and I do have some ideas about what I could do, but don't even want to jinx myself by planning too much.

Here's to hoping!

The Art of Blogging

I've been blogging pretty regularly for a year now and following several other blogs by people I'm interesting in. Here's what I've found:

1. It's not easy to do. I don't always have something to write about and when I do, I walk a fine line between saying too much and being way too vague. This past year I feel like I may have bared my soul a bit too much - but they were honest feelings. It's annoying to read blogs that are so trivial you feel you waste your time by reading them.

2. It's not easy deciding how often to write. I try to update once a week, or four posts a month. There are some blogs I've stopped reading because they update too often - several times a day - they must just hang on that computer and that's too much work to keep up on it. But some people I really would LOVE to hear more about, update too seldom (you know who you are!) I've been waiting for new pieces from some of these people since the fall.

3. Is anybody even reading? I don't have many followers signed up, but people will comment sometimes on what I've written, so I know they are checking in. I started this blog as a way to build a "platform" for my writing, but it never has been just about that (there's that whole "pie" thing!)

So, I'm going to keep sending these little notes out into space and hope people touch base with me once in a while. And please forgive my attempts at poetry - I'm due to begin another session of "even day poems" in May and I'm sure I'll share at least a few.

Writing Quartet

I haven't written about my writing quartet for a while - but we are still hanging in there. We had a change in membership this year when one of the ladies had a baby and really has too much else on her mind. But we invited another like soul to join us, Judy, and she's been a delight!

We each write so differently:

Sue- is a medical technician by day and a poet at all other times. She loves to write about nature the most and is an avid birder. It's thanks to her that we are each trying to write a piece about birds for each month that we meet.

Ali- is an artist in addition to being a writer. In January she began the new job of executive director of the Box Factory for the Arts where both she and I have writing/art studios. Her writing is such an indicator of how she approaches life - short energetic bursts with wit and humor.

Judy- just retired in November and is revelling in her new found freedom and unlimited time to write. She is ethereal and mystical and I enjoy each piece of her writing because I feel it is so much a picture of her soul.

Denise - as for me I am plugging away, not sure where I want to go with my writing, but certainly feeling more comfortable and safe when I write about, and try to come to terms with, my past. I'm still struggling to deal with losing my mother, and just when I think I have passed a milestone and can start putting it in perspective, something happens and I find myself back to square one. Most of my writing in the past year really reflexs this struggle and I long to move on, while at the same time knowing that it will take time.

The four of us have much in common. We all love cats and each of us have at least one (Ali and I each have two) We all have long-term relationships with our spouses, which gives us a feeling of safety and stability at home. We all love the arts in its many forms. We all have a certain belief in the mystical and the world that can not necessarily be seen or fully understood.

And we all believe in the magic of putting words on paper and the notion that these words can live beyond us and serve as a sort of legacy.

Writing groups sometimes just fall apart for various reasons, but I hope this union of writing friends can continue as long as possible. It's an important part of my life.

Condor Wings

This is a poem for my "National Park" project from a trip taken in May, 2003








C ircling around the stone balconies
O n updrafts from the Grand Canyon,
N ot concerned with human onlookers,
D ark birds with giant wingspans glide
O ver the deep canyon cliffs while
R angers sing their praises.

W e stand in the North Rim lodge
I nterested, but preoccupied,
N ot knowing how rare the sightings.
G athering the wind gusts under their feathers,
S himmering condor wings move through bright blue skies.

From the corner of my eye as I stand in the lobby,
through the bank of windows overlooking the Grand Canyon,
I see huge black shapes soaring over the cliffs
and groups of people gathered on the stone balconies.

“Oh,” says the woman at the desk,
“those are condors, there’s a ranger out there talking about them.”
I stoop down to get a better look, to see the huge birds,
with their enormous wings, their bald, scabby-looking heads.

“How nice,” I thought. “We will have to catch this talk tomorrow.”
Now we need to check in, unpack the car, grab some lunch.
Not thinking logically, that there would be no lecture to attend.
Condors do not fly on a schedule or by command.

A Prayer and a Plan

Photo by Sloan Tackett

I’ve been thinking for a while now about what kind of writing I want to accomplish this year and, as usual, it’s a pretty ambitious list. I’m only planning for January through August because I’m hoping to head into graduate school in September and have a whole lot of other assignments to do. Here’s what I’m thinking:

National Park Project – I’ve been working on this project for two years. It is a collection of essays and poetry about the 9 national parks and 2 reservations we have traveled to in the last 20 years. It’s the kind of thing that could go on forever, since we certainly plan to continue travelling, but I’ve decided to cut it off and have it cover only 1989 – 2009. I plan to publish this collection in time for my birthday in May.

For the Birds – My writing Quartet meets once a month and this year we are writing to the theme of birds. We started this project last July, so I have 6 pieces to write this year for a complete set of 12.

NightWriter Assignments – I lead a writing group and we meet two times a month. The first meeting of the month has an assignment. We take a break over summer, so I have to write 5 pieces to complete this season, including a piece for the chapbook we produce every spring.

Travel Writing – When we go on a vacation I try to do some piece of writing for each day we are gone (poetry, essay or creative journal entry). Last year was so hectic I did not have time or “brain space” to revisit the notes I took about our trip to Santa Fe. I have 6 pieces I want to complete for that this winter.

The end of May we are heading out to the Tetons and Yellowstone and I will produce a new piece for each day we’re gone – about 8 – I’ll try to get those done as close to that trip as possible to capture my impressions while they are still fresh.

Even Day Poems – each year I pick a month and write a poem every even day. This year I picked May, which is my birthday month, but also pretty busy. I can use some of my travel writing work for this – they don’t necessarily have to be completely separate work.

“Beloved” Essays – with the finish of my National Park Project and the one year anniversary of my Mother’s death, I would like to tackle a project I’ve been thinking about for a while – essays about the women in my family – which would include her of course, but also my grandmothers, aunts, and my own beloved daughter. I think there will be about 12 pieces to this collection and I want to do one a month starting in June.

Novel – and last, but not least, I want to take time this summer, June – August, to do a push and finish the first draft of the novel “Copper” I’ve been working on. It’s about half done and I think some dedicated time would get me through to the point where I have something finished I could revise. I would like to work on fiction again since that’s what I hope to study in graduate school.

So, all this should certainly keep me busy and productive and doesn’t even take into consideration my job, which I will be doing through April, and a large literary project I’m coordinating for the Box Factory in St. Joseph.

I like to be busy. I love to write. Life is good!

Nolan's Milestone

Yesterday our grandson, Nolan, turned one. Last year I wrote a poem about the day he was born and it was 17-degrees and we had 18-inches of snow. Much different this year - 30-degrees and not a speck of snow.

He has been a God send to me this year - a bright and soft place to go when everything else seemed so difficult. Life goes on, and it's never more evident than with a grandchild. He brings a hope and excitement about our future - that's a lot of responsibility for one little guy - but I think he's up to it!