Iowa Workshop

I'm in Iowa City right now at the University of Iowa taking a workshop on revising a novel. Unfortunately, I think the only thing I'm really learning is that I have a long, long way to go on this book I've already been working on for three years!

It's good to have some uninterrupted time to think about the creative aspects of my life and, despite staying at the shabby on-campus hotel that is waiting for FEMA money to remodel after a flood, I'm enjoying myself.

But to tell the truth, I don't do as well with too much time to think. I get more accomplished when I have to fit that thinking in between a busy schedule. So Saturday I'll head back to Michigan and do just that. (And give up that self-imposed schedule of finishing my novel this summer.)

Books, books books!

It has taken me more than two months, but I finally finished (thanks to the help of my daughter) something I have never done in my entire life ..... sort my books.

I have a whole wall of bookshelves in our hallway that constitutes our library and another book nook in the study - every shelf in both spaces is full.

I also have 16 banker boxes full of books that will be donated in the next few days to our local library for their used book sale .. I figure I'm giving away somewhere around 300 books.

That means I still own at least twice that many! But now they are dusted and sorted and filed by type and author. In the old days it was honestly easier to go to the library and borrow, or to the book store and buy a book I knew I already owned, but just couldn't find.

Despite all the modern conveniences, books are still one of my biggest pleasures and it is so nice to walk by the shelves and see the covers of all my old friends lined up neatly and waiting for my attention, whenever I get around to it.

Poetry Month

Two years ago I decided to choose one month a year and write a poem every even day of the month. The first year I chose March. I had just taken a poetry workshop and , since I hadn't written much poetry at all, I decided that this was just the thing to get more practice.

Last year I chose April, which is officially national poetry month, and this year I've chosen May.

I've really enjoyed doing it for several reasons. Not only do I end the month with 15 new poems, it also makes me pay attention to my world a lot closer - just to have something to write about. Last year I was writing these poems during the worst of my mother's illness and I think it really helped me deal with those feelings.

This year I have a new goal. I want to slow down. I don't want to be in such a hurry to rush through my life. This has been challenging since I have a long list of stuff I NEED to get done in a short amount of time.

But I'm starting with my poetry and taking my time and figuring that the rest of the stuff will get done too if I just plug away at it - or maybe it won't and I have to be honest that the world won't come to a crashing stop if it doesn't.

I want to pay attention to the flowers and blossoming trees this year. I want to take the time to read good books, to carefully write things I will be proud of.
And, I want to spend time enjoying my family and friends and not feel so time crunched!

Modern Frustrations

I settled into my studio this morning for what was to be a productive full day's work and within minutes that plan crashed along with my computer.

It really had not ever given me any problems, no funny noises, no odd screens ... just an ratcheting noise, a freeze up, then failure to re-boot.

Unfortunately, I've been meaning to get an off-site back-up for that computer, but just had not gotten around to it. Most of my writing for the last three years is on that hard-drive.

Luckily I've backed up a lot of my writing on flash-drives and always print out a hard copy of everything, so none of my writing is lost. But the business I do for a couple of organizations I work for has not been backed up.

To make this even more frustrating, I'm on day 11 of my car being in for repairs and I'm juggling rides.

I always think writing is such a low-tech profession. All you really need is paper and a pencil - but take away those modern conveniences for a while - and I'm struggling and running in circles and not feeling productive at all!

April Again

It is April again.

One year ago, in a time that felt endless and yet passed so quickly, I was an observer to my mother’s last few weeks of life. I felt like a useless, hopeless, helpless wraith standing in the shadows powerless to do anything while she moved steadily down a road it was her time to travel. I was scribbling poems last April, writing about doctor visits, get well flowers and signs from God, but even the poems that weren’t directly about her wore a dark undercoat of my fear.

One day a care package arrived on my doorstep. I found it there on the front porch on one of the worst days of my life, the day I brought my mother home from the hospital to die. There was a glass jar filled with tulips, a bag of chocolates, a box of tea and a notebook. On the first page was a note from my dear writing friends inviting me to write about my feelings.

So, I did.

I wrote about the last hours of Mom’s life, about planning the funeral, about the ceremony. I wrote about the trip to the cemetery in between thunderstorms where I felt a small amount of peace for the first time in weeks as we laid Mom to rest next to Dad in a plot they picked out themselves because it was next to her parents and under a tree Dad particularly liked.

I wrote about my sister-in-laws, both of whom acted poorly – one snubbed me and one ignored me – and about the troublesome brother who took his pain out on me. I wrote about all the problems and agony sorting through the house when I felt I was emotionally and physically getting worn to the bone.

I wrote about my anger. Anger at my Mom for dying and leaving all this on my shoulders, anger at my brothers for getting off Scott-free doing none of the work and feeling none of the pain. And angry at myself for feeling so fragile and vulnerable and, yes, angry at these people I loved.

As I read through a lot of my writing from last year, I see that it’s all colored by my grief, even when I thought I was writing about something completely different. Several times I wrote about clearing my head, about putting aside the sadness, but it wasn’t really happening. Some incident would come up and I would feel like I was back to square one. It’s only now, when it’s April again and the daffodils are starting to pop, that I feel a bit better.

Mom’s birthday was in April. That date is still the code to get into her house; a sad reminder that this year she would have turned 80 and I was planning to give her a big party with all the family invited. Several years ago I started a tradition of giving Mom flowers on my birthday, May 4, as a thank you. Last year she died on May 1 and the flowers I gave her on my birthday were to decorate her casket.
This year I’ll wait a few more weeks until the weather is warm enough and then I’ll start a different tradition I will carry on for the rest of my life. I will decorate her grave with flowers and send up a prayer of thanks for the 57 years we had together.

And I’ll also say a prayer of gratitude for my writing friends – Ali, Sue, and Judy – who have been so patient with me this year. All of them have lost their own mothers, making us kindred spirits in a couple of ways – we are all writers and now every one of us is a motherless child navigating this world. But, we know how to take our feelings to the page and emerge transformed and ready to face our journeys like the Monarchs in our gardens last summer.

Spring Writing

My writing quartet met at Judy's house the other night and, in addition to a delicious supper, she served lemon meringue pie! Yum! She knows the way to my heart, and to her husband's too since he didn't want any of us to have seconds!

We only meet once a month and we take turns hosting. I so look forward to those times; it's a little oasis in a hectic life. Someone cooks a delicious dinner and then we sit around and talk about our writing and other things in our lives and there is no rushing off to do something else.

Next month it's my turn to host, and it's also near to the time of my birthday, so I'm planning a special meal and dessert. And I'm hoping it will be warm enough to sit outside. Happy spring everybody - finally!

Writing Rally

I just got back from Lansing, Michigan where I attended a Writers' Rally. It was an event with an opening speaker, a keynote speaker at lunch and four one-hour workshops you could choose from during the day.

I talked with a lot of nice people, met some new Michigan writers I've been wanting to meet and touched base with some I've met in the past.

I also came away ready to jump into my writing full time, and got some hints on marketing and new markets I can approach.

So, I'm going to start working hard, put my butt in the chair and write, and hopefully by this time next year, if I decide to return to that rally, I'll have some results to report.