Christmas Carols

So far my Christmas season has been full of singing. Last Saturday Tom and I sat at the Box Factory for the Arts, a 100+ year old building renovated into a haven for artists. Four cabaret singers from Chicago, two men and two women, made the journey around the lake to come and sing for us. It was a soup supper with wonderful cheese and bread and pasteries for dessert.

As I sat there listening to their Christmas songs, I thought again about how the walls of this old building would feel - if they could feel. In its early days of serving as a factory, Saturday evenings were dark and quiet. Now music and creativity echo around its old wooden beams and the building feels warm and happy.

A week later, last night, Tom and I went to University of Notre Dame to attend a performance of the Men's Glee Club. First we had a delicious dinner at the Inn on campus and then we made our way to the theater. It was the first time I had attended an event in this relatively new performance building. It was cold and raining and it felt good to sit in this remarkable building and listen to these young men sing so beautifully while the storm raged outside.

This morning I went to church and listened to a visiting choir sing Handel's "Messiah". It was a small group in a modest church - but the sound was incredible. Tears ran down my face during the "Hallelujah" chorus - it was just so beautiful.

I love to sing, but have put it aside for the last few years while I dealt with difficult personal times. Perhaps it is time to take it up again in some way.

Thanksgiving Brunch

We solved the dilema of Thanksgiving with a last minute suggestion from my daughter-in-law, Candice - a brunch! She brought over a breakfast casserole, my other daughter-in-law brought over an Oreo cheesecake and I threw a ham in the oven (the turkeys really were safe from us this year), some cheese potatoes, fresh fruit salad, 7-bean salad - all things that were pretty easy to prepare and not so traditional that they made me sad to have them.

Everyone came over to eat about 10 o'clock and we were done and the kitchen was cleared up by noon - and I didn't feel over-the-top stuffed! It left me with the rest of the day to just relax and read and watch shows (not football or the dog show) and indulge in a piece of pumpkin pie.

All in all a good day, and tomorrow we venture out to find a Christmas tree. It may even snow!

Surrounded by Turkeys

In the early morning hours, a mist sits low and wispy on the field next to Max's house.I watch it disappear as the sun moves higher and the air warms.

At the far edge along the tree line to the woods beyond,I see dark shapes emerging from the scrubby bushes until there is at least a dozen which have ventured out
a little way into the field. They are wild turkeys, dark brown and fat through the body with thin necks and small heads and they are feeding on the left-over grain scattered over the ground. They move slowly, casually; when I check back on them a short while later, they have blended back into the woods.

Later I am diving over some back country roads near our house, when I see a large dark shape take flight on the left side of the road. I realize it's a turkey and he is barely clearing the ground, just barely clearing my windshield.

It seems I am surrounded by turkeys this year, including the ones on television as cooks give out all kinds of advice on how to cook them. But I am torn about Thanksgiving this year. It was always my mother's holiday. And she did it wonderfully. I always meant to take it over, but I never did, and now she's gone and like it or not, do I get it by default?

I will not be able to taste her cooking again,and, even if I used all her recipes, I know I would not measure up. I won't be able to walk into her kitchen with my pitiful offerings of salad, cranberries, rolls - and smell all the aromas of the dishes she always made for us, including a roasting turkey.

My mother and I were a lot alike, but I am a pale immitation of her in the kitchen,
and somehow this year I don't even have the heart to try.

I think the turkeys are safe!

Halloween Twist

Max, Sarah and baby Nolan trick-or-treat


We passed a milestone last night, which I was well aware of, but it still made me feel a bit sad. Our son and his new wife and our first little grandson came to our house to trick-or-treat.

No longer are we the young parents with kids in costumes and bassett hound on a leash, walking the neighborhood in the dark, collecting candy and saying hello to all the neighbors we don't usually have a chance to speak to the rest of the year.

Now we sit at home waiting.

Waiting for trick-or-treaters, who have not come in our neighborhood since our own children have grown up. Each year I buy candy, just in case, but there it sits for want of a tiny ghoul.

Waiting for our grandchild, who came late, after they had spent time with friends. Who came tired and ready to go home .... a mercy visit to grandparents who just wanted a few pictures, who just wanted a touch of that magical night that was such a a big part of our lives while the kids were young.

It's a twist, a handing off of the baton, and once again we are on the sidelines watching as our children move forward.

Campus Visit

I drove up to East Lansing to visit my daughter at Michigan State University. She is in her junior year there and it's hard to believe even that much time has gone by. The trees along the roads and on campus were still bright, but this time of year they are starting to fade and drop their leaves. The weather was overcast and a bit melancholy.

On Saturday we shopped at quilt and antique stores and sat at the Dairy Store on campus and ate ice cream out of waffle cones while we listened to a radio broadcast of the last few minutes of the football game, which they won in a nail-biter.

Sloan drove me around campus through all the twisting and winding roads lined with stately buildings both modern and historic until I was throughly confused. I only really know how to get to her two former dorms, which I tried to visit as often as I could, and now to her house off campus.

Sloan stayed with me at the hotel on campus and we had nice talks at a leisurely pace. I know these kinds of visits are few and far between since we both live hectic lives. But I cherish the time we have together.

I hope she'll look back on these days at college with fondness, and remember her old mom who comes for the occasional visit and is trying so hard to let her grow up!

Golden Afternoon

I sat on a bench at North Lake Park and looked out over the water. It was the kind of autumn afternoon that I loved. The summer heat was gone, but it was not yet too cool. The trees that rimmed the small lake were turning shades of yellow and orange here and there, but it was still too early to see the real color, which would peak a week or two from now.

I stretched my legs on the bench, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was at this park on a mellow, golden afternoon for a reason. I was stuck on a writing project and thought coming to this quiet place would help me work it out.

Near the shore, moving around the base of the cattails were several mallard ducks; the males with their iridescent green heads and the females a drabber brown. They were letting out a series of quacks and I didn’t know if it was because they were chatting back and forth to each other, or if they saw me there on the bench and didn’t like me being all that close. Either way, I needed to write something about birds, so these guys were the likely candidates.

This whole year has been a challenging one for me and I was able to cope with it by writing out my feelings. But now I felt the worst of the busyness and obligations were behind me and I wanted to brush away this veil of stress and sadness and see – really see – the beauty of my favorite month; to find balance again after being lopsided for so long.

I am not a trained poet, but I like to write poems and I am writing one for every odd day in October. Here is the one I wrote on this day, at this park:

“The Show, The Center”
(mallards at North Lake Park)
He is the show,
with his shiny green head,
white collar, handsome brown vest,
but he is never very far from her;
the drab one, the quiet one.

It is clear that she is the center,
the one who creates the family,
carries on the species.
He preens his beautiful feathers,
but he knows his place.

I closed my notebook and took another deep breath while sending out a little prayer of thanks for these ducks, the park, this life I have right here, right now. When my thoughts and my days seem flighty and out of control, along comes October with its blazing beauty to ground me and clear my vision.

A flock of geese flew overhead in their traditional “V” shape against a sky so blue it nearly hurt to look at it. Oblivious to that sight, the mallards continued to swim on the deep blue water of this tiny lake concerned only with themselves and perhaps that strange human who won’t go away. I’m reminded once again of an old folk song, based on Bible verses, that has brought me much comfort this year:

To everything there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under heaven.

Autumn Wedding

Our son Max got married to his Sarah this past Saturday. The weather was absolutely beautiful, in the high 70's, and the colors of the trees were just about at peak.
I show Max here with his son, our wonderful grandson, Nolan who was the honorary best man, standing next to him is Josh, one of Max's best friends since high school. They are at the rehearsal at the church.

Max had four friends and his brother Caleb stand up for him in the wedding. Our daughter Sloan was one of the bridesmaids. The closest I came to crying during the ceremony was when all three of them were standing up in front of the church waiting for the bride. I am so proud of all of them. They are all grown up and are wonderful people in their own right. I think Tom and I had a lot to do with that, but I just find myself grateful that it worked out that way.

Leading up to the wedding I found myself often feeling sad as I thought about my Mom and the fact that she wouldn't get to see this wedding. We talked of it often in the early months of the year, and I was hoping it would give her something to look forward to as she faced her fight with cancer. Unfortunately it wasn't to be, but I wore one of her necklaces to the wedding and I know she was there in spirit too, wishing her grandson happiness as he heads into this new phase of his life.