Here is the epilogue essay from my National Park Project
I have a secret about my travels West.
The trips I write about in my National Park collection took place over a 23-year period of time, but there was a ten-year gap between our first trip and our second, and four more between the second and the next. It was with this third trip in 2003 that we started travelling to the West in earnest, trying not to let more than 18 months go by between excursions and sometimes managing two trips within a year.
It was also the start of the physical difficulties for me as my arthritic knees became increasingly painful until they got to the point where I was barely functioning at all. And that’s my secret. For nearly a decade I tried to enjoy the magnificence of these vast national parks, while mostly sitting on my butt!
The pain crept into many of the essays in this collection and I would refer to my knees as “creaky” or “tricky,” but those were just euphemisms. The truth was – they just hurt! Every single step felt like grinding. I was already making quite a few concessions – Tom would mostly go on hikes alone, or with our daughter, Sloan, if she was along. I would sit in the car, or on a bench, or on a rock and try to enjoy the scenery all around me – but it wasn’t the same as walking into those far off vistas. I spent time in the hotel room or in the lobby, writing or sewing – certainly enjoying myself – but not out in the park, not fully embracing what it had to offer.
On a trip to Santa Fe we visited El Santuario de Chimayo, described as the “Lourdes of America.” We entered the dim sanctuary and sat quietly, praying a bit for a miracle, before going into the room with a small pit holding rust-colored sand. I rubbed it on my knees and hoped for the best, but not even the Saints would help me out and there wasn’t any improvement to be had.
We put off scheduling trips to the west coast, to see all that California, Oregon and Washington had to offer, because the idea just seemed too exhausting to me. Even navigating airports was horrible. Airports are painful places for people with walking issues, especially when they are too proud to admit they really should use a wheelchair! I got to the point where I wondered if I could manage to go on many more of these trips we loved so much.
Finally my doctor asked me a simple question. Did I want to live in pain for several more years before I admitted that I needed knee replacement surgery? Or would I like to live those years without that pain? Put like that, the answer was obvious.
As I write this I have already had one knee done and will have surgery on the next in a few months. And the pain in my right knee, by far the worst one, is gone. Just simply gone! Already I feel so much better and I’m beginning to realize how much that pain colored and controlled my whole life, not just my travels.
We are taking this year off from traveling in the West to give me a chance to build up my strength, but after that we have ambitious plans, including a rafting trip through the Grand Canyon, and those postponed trips to Yosemite and the Redwoods.
So, this is a good place to end this collection of work. I have produced the last piece of writing shadowed by my pain and limitations and look forward to truly being part of the experience of our National Parks.
More to come!
Denise Kalin Tackett
April 10, 2012
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